I grew up in a small town & being the bold person that I am, I’ve never “blended in”. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I used to hate it. There were a lot of people who’ve expressed to me that it was a bad thing. Something to hide, and to feel shame. So, I decided to conform & go into the beauty industry, because it was considered more of a serious “job”, than art. I was still doing some form of art, but it didn’t set my soul on fire.

After graduating high school in 2017, I moved from McLeansboro, IL to Westwood, CA. I went to Aveda Institute, received my CA Esthetician License, & the next day started at Makeup Designory in Burbank, CA.

While I was there I was doing TFP jobs to get experience. I assisted on a film & did solo photoshoots for beauty makeup. I lived there for almost 2 years. Life had different plans for me & my mental health started to take a toll, so I moved back home. Even though I loved it there.

I started working at a salon doing facials. I took classes on how to do lash extensions & microblading to offer as other services. I then, decided to go to Southern Illinois School Of Cosmetology in Centralia, IL. Eventually, I was a licensed Cosmetologist too. I decided to let my Esthetician license expire, since I was no longer offering facials. Only lash extensions and hair.

My health started to decline more in 2021. I was diagnosed with anxiety & depression. Started going to therapy & taking anti-depressants on top of other medications for my POTS & allergies. Found out I was lactose intolerant, had IBS & meat was making me sick, so I switched my diet.

2022, my health started getting worse & I was taking off from work more. My whole body, especially my hands were in so much pain, that I could barely get out of bed & cry myself to sleep every night. I felt like my bones would break with the slightest movement. It was incrusiating. I’ve had chronic pain, fatigue, & other health issues since I was little, but it kicked up 500 notches. Not everyone knew this, because I wear a “mask” since it has always been my normal & it felt like a burden bringing it up. I hated making others feel uncomfortable.

Later on, I was diagnosed at 23 with C-PTSD, ADHD, OCD, a boutonnière deformity, h(EDS), & recently with PMDD. I was struggling mentally, physically, & spiritually. I started losing sleep, because my brain wouldn't shut off & the pain kept me up. I take 9 different types of medications everyday now. At the time, I was losing my reasons to live, because there isn’t a cure, only pain management.

When all this was happening, I couldn’t create art anymore. I longed for it. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid and it was taken from me. I could barely even open a jar, because I lacked the strength, let alone hold a paint brush or pencil. What was the point of being alive when you’re constantly in pain? What was the point of life if I can’t do anything that makes my inner child happy? I went through a spiritual awakening while being in my bed most of the time for 3 months. If I did work, it was for 2-3 hours max & I would have to sit most of the time.

I found a PT & learned that since I am hyper-mobile due to my h(EDS), I was using my body incorrectly my entire life. I had to learn how to sit, walk, write, open/hold things, etc. properly all over again as an adult. It’s hard to break those habits when you’ve even doing it for 23 years. I still catch myself doing it resorting back to it, & I have to constantly pay attention to how my body is moving so I don’t injure myself. Eventually, I started slowly getting my strength back & my fingers were kind of straightening out. I made my own splint rings out of jewelry wire to help keep my fingers straight while also, still being functional. What I mean by that is, I could bend them, and pick things up without having to take them off. The real ones are EXPENSIVE!!!

I was finally able to live again, to breathe again. That’s when I decided to open up VLeeCreativity. I don’t want to be on my death bed & regret that I didn’t do what I truly desired. Life is too short not to follow your dreams. What if it doesn’t turn out terrible? What if I actually succeed, and I accomplish more than what I was hoping for? Doing something, is better than nothing at all.

I enjoy the little things in life, like connecting, & spending time with others. I love the sound of cicadas on a long, summer night. The smell of fresh, buttered, popcorn, & cuddling with my cute fur babies. Looking at the clouds & guessing what shapes I could make out of them. These are some of the things in the world, that make my life worth living. My life purpose isn’t just what I can give to other people. My REAL, life purpose, is to have fun & be free without having any regrets. Creating isn’t my only purpose, but it’s one of my drives that gets me out of bed & makes me feel alive. Especially, since I finally got my light & health back. Being here & having the good with the bad, is what I’m supposed to experience. You can’t have sunshine & rainbows, without gloomy clouds & rain. You will never stop growing, or healing. Change is uncomfortable, and terrifying.. but it is also, the best thing to help us grow and continue on the path of where we are supposed to be. Most importantly, to be happy.

I’m done saying that, “I’m not good enough”, or “What if?” I believe in myself & will work my ASS off (with rest ofc) to get where I want to be. I want to be my true, authentic, higher, & free self. No matter what obstacle comes my way, I will face it head on, & overcome it. I love challenging my brain & proving my own fears wrong.