I grew up in a small town & being the bold person that I am, I’ve never “blended in”. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I used to hate it. There were a lot of people who’ve expressed to me that it was a bad thing. Something to hide, & to feel ashamed of. So, I decided to conform & go into the beauty industry, because it was considered more of a serious “job”, than art. I was still doing some form of art, but it didn’t set my soul on fire.

After graduating high school in 2017, I moved from McLeansboro, IL to Westwood, CA. I went to Aveda Institute, received my CA Esthetician License in 2018, & the next day started at Makeup Designory in Burbank, CA.

While I was there I was doing TFP jobs to get experience. I assisted on a film, “Girls Night Out” by Diana Cha, & I did solo photoshoots for beauty makeup. I lived there for almost 2 years. Life had different plans for me & my mental health started to take a toll, so I moved back home. Even though I loved it there.

I started working at a salon in 2019 doing facials, & makeup. I took a class on how to do lash extensions shortly after starting there. Then, I decided to go to Southern Illinois School Of Cosmetology in Centralia, IL. Eventually, I was a licensed Cosmetologist in 2021. I decided to let my Esthetician license expire, since I was no longer offering facials, only lash extensions & hair.

My health started to decline more in 2021. I was diagnosed with anxiety & depression. I started going to therapy & taking anti-depressants on top of other medications for my POTS & allergies. I found out I was lactose intolerant, had IBS & meat was making me sick, so I switched my diet.

2022, my health was declining more, & I was taking more off from work. My whole body, especially my hands were in so much pain, that I could barely get out of bed & cry myself to sleep every night. I felt like my bones would break with the slightest movement. It was incrusiating. I’ve had chronic pain, fatigue, & other health issues since I was little, but it kicked up 500 notches. Not everyone knew this, because I wear a mask since it has always been my normal. It felt like a burden bringing it up, & I hated making others feel uncomfortable, so I chose to be the one who was. Since it’s an invisible illness, a lot of people have a hard time believing you, because you “look fine”. Except, you never get used to the pain, but you learn how to hide it better.

Later on, I was diagnosed at 23 with C-PTSD, ADHD, OCD, a boutonnière deformity, h(EDS), & recently with PMDD. I was struggling mentally, physically, & spiritually. I started losing sleep, because my brain wouldn't shut off & the pain kept me up. I take 9 different types of medications everyday. At the time, I was losing my reasons to live. There isn’t a cure, only pain management.

When all of this was happening, I couldn’t create art. I was desperately longing for it, because that was my meditation. I’ve been creative since I was a kid & it was taken away from me. I could barely open a jar or use a manual can opener, because I lacked the strength, let alone hold a paint brush or pencil for a long period of time. What was the point of being alive when you’re constantly in pain? What was the point of life if I can’t do anything that makes my inner child happy? I went through a spiritual awakening while being in my bed most of the time for 3 months. If I did work, it was for 2-3 hours max & I would have to sit a majority of it.

I found a PT & learned that since I am hyper-mobile due to my h(EDS), I was using my body incorrectly my entire life. I had to learn how to sit, walk, write, open/hold things, etc. properly all over again as an adult. It’s hard to break those habits when you’ve been doing it for 23 years. I still catch myself resorting back to it, & I have to constantly pay attention to how my body is moving, just so I don’t injure myself. Eventually, I started slowly getting my strength back & my fingers were kind of straightening out. I made my own splint rings out of jewelry wire to help keep my fingers straight while also, still being functional. What I mean by that is, I could bend them, & still pick things up without having to take them off while keeping them in place. It was made out of jewelry wire, & took me awhile to make, but it was worth it. The real ones are EXPENSIVE!!!

I was finally able to live again, to breathe again. That’s when I decided to open up VLeeCreativity. I don’t want to be on my death bed & regret that I didn’t do what I truly desired. I used to say this as a kid, but you forget things like this whenever you grow up. Life is too short not to follow your dreams. I don’t regret any of the career choices that I’ve made. It has shaped & molded me into who I am today. I’ve learned a lot from the beauty industry & I’ve made some amazing friends, because of it :) I needed it to help me get out of my shell that I deeply buried myself in. I used to be scared of what ifs. The not knowing for sure what will happen. Being sick has taught me how to be patient & unafraid of the unknown. What if it doesn’t turn out terrible? What if I actually succeed, & I accomplish more than what I was hoping for? What if, I get the answers that I’ve been so desperately searching for? Failure can only happen if you try. Failing shouldn’t be considered as something to be ashamed of. Doing something, is better than doing nothing at all. I consider losers to be the people who never put in any effort, but talk a big game.

I try to think of things half glass full, instead of half glass empty. Make sure to enjoy the little things. The bad can overshadow the good sometimes. We seem to forget it in all of the noise. Some of the things that I love, are the sound of cicadas on a long, summer night. The crackling of a wood wick candle. The smell of fresh, buttered, popcorn, & cuddling with my cute fur babies. Playing games & creating art with my friends. Looking at the clouds to try & guess what shapes I could make out of them. These are some of the things in the world, that make my life worth living. My life purpose isn’t just what I can offer to other people. My REAL, life purpose, is to have fun & be free without having any regrets. Creating isn’t my only purpose. Being creative isn’t my only identity, but it’s one of my drives that gets me out of bed, & makes me feel alive. Being here & having the good with the bad, is what I’m supposed to experience. You can’t have sunshine & rainbows, without gloomy clouds & rain. You will never stop growing, or healing. Change is uncomfortable, & the unknown is terrifying.. but it is also, the best thing to help us grow & continue on the path to where we are supposed to go. Most importantly, to be happy & feel content within ourselves.

No matter what obstacle comes my way, I will face it head on, & overcome it. If I end up lost, I know I’ll always find my way back home within myself. I love challenging my brain & proving my own fears wrong. That’s my motivation.